I need you, so I can be me
by wilsonstories
Summary: Another Will and Sonny one-shot


It has been quite a while since I have written a Will and Sonny story. This is because I don't like the current storyline as I feel they have change the character of Will too much. However, I am very flattered by the fact that people are still reading my stories and leaving reviews, despite my absence in the past months. So here is a story to say thanks to everyone for the support. Although this is a new and original one-shot, you might recognise the flashbacks (in italics) from previous stories (so sorry)…

In this story Sonny is suspecting Will to have cheated… but has he?

**Sonny's POV**

His baby blue eyes have never looked so sad. I don't think he even knows that the way he looks right now makes me want to hold him close and whisper in his ear that I didn't mean it and that everything is OK. But I can't take it back. My words are still echoing against the walls of our living room and he seems unable to move or speak. Tears glace his eyes and tell me wordlessly how deeply he feels everything, and it hurts me that right now I am the one who is hurting him. But then I remember his late nights out and his distant demeanour and I feel my lips purse together in a thin line. He swallows hard and chews his bottom lip while blinking a few times to clear his eyes. I have to fill the silence as I am unable to stand the tension between us and thus I mumble:

"Don't come up with stupid excuses"

"Excuses…?"

He almost spits the word out and I am slightly taken aback by the sudden fire in his eyes. He takes a step towards me:

"Excuses for what… how can you stand there and accuse me of something I did not do…"

I open my mouth to defend myself, but he rages on:

"You didn't even ask me… you just… you just assume I cheated on you…"

He turns around and I know him well enough to know he does that because he needs to calm himself down. For a second I look at his biceps, knowing that if we start an actual physical fight I will most likely end up losing. He turns towards me again and whispers:

"What have I ever done to make you think that I would ever do that?"

His sudden flare of anger is gone and now his whole profile just radiates pain. I clear my throat and start a weak explanation:

"You were gone every night and…"

He doesn't even let me finish:

"I was working, Sonny."

"That's what you say…"

I hate myself for the words that just escaped my lips, but I have already said it and the damage is already done. He turns around and walks into our bedroom, only to walk out again within seconds. He throws a pillow and a sheet on the couch and then walks back into our bedroom, closing the door behind him. I couldn't miss the click when I hear him lock the door. I sigh deeply, not knowing whether to lie down on the couch, bang on the bedroom door, or just leave and sleep in my car. I pick up the pillow and the sheet and quietly walk outside. Soon I try to make myself comfortable on the backseat of my car, but my mind just cannot stop thinking. I go over the last weeks again and again in my mind and sometimes I am convinced he must have cheated and other times I am only afraid I have just thrown away something that wasn't even broken. His words echo in my mind 'What have I ever done to make you think I would ever do that?' I am not sure if I have an answer to that. Of course he has been away a lot these past weeks, but he always said it was to do some work. And he has also been a bit distant, but then again, I know that when he is in writers-mode he is always a bit absent minded because he is occupied with a story he is trying to capture. I breathe out slowly and cannot help thinking about my Will, the man I fell in love with a few years ago, the man I kissed in front of his grandmother's café, and the man who has featured in all my New Year resolutions since the moment I met him. Why am I doubting him when he often makes me feel as if no-one could ever love me more than he does?

_1_

_After our basketball session we go to the pub for some refreshments. I smile contently when I see Will all happy and cuddly, curling his arm around my neck while we walk towards the pub. I enjoy the way he holds me in public, for everyone to see that I belong to him and he belongs to me. When we sit down at one of the tables he gets over to the bar to order some drinks. I am a little surprised to see Brian stand up and offer to help him. While T talks to me I can't help but keeping an eye on my boyfriend and the man I know he doesn't like at all. With some effort I can hear what they say and as expected the conversation is not about the weather or our basketball game._

"_So uhm… when is this baby of yours due…?"_

"_Uhm… soon."_

_I can't help but smile a bit when I hear the tone of his voice. I know my boyfriend inside out and that tone is reserved for people he does not like. _

"_My guess is Sonny is not going to be too thrilled about that…"_

_I frown and wonder where Brian would get that idea from. I see how Will changes his position and the moment he starts speaking I am slightly turned on by the determination in his voice:_

"_You know what Brian? I cut you a lot of slack with all the crap you pulled on Sonny and me when we were having a rough patch… but you have hit your limit, man."_

_I wish I could see his face as I am sure the passion in his heart has set fire to his eyes._

"_Ah Will, what's with the attitude, I just made a comment…"_

"_Look, I know you are Sonny's friend…"_

"_Kind of hoping I was your friend too."_

"_Really… does a friend convince me that he slept with my boyfriend?"_

_I cringe a bit when I am reminded of my escapades with Brian, thanking the heavens again I came to my senses before it was too late. Although I don't like this conversation at all, I like how Will refers to me as his boyfriend. _

"_You jumped to that conclusion all by yourself"_

"_No no no no no… you worded things to make sure I would jump…"_

_I know Will is pissed of now and I am slightly preparing myself to jump up and pull them apart the moment they start hitting each other. I know that Will dislikes Brian enough to give him a black eye when provoked, and I hope it will not get that far today. _

"_And by the way, I am more than aware of how you do your little thing around him all the time…"_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_Every chance you get you hang up an available sign…"_

_I smile inwardly at the way he says that. I cannot deny it as I know Brian flirts with me every time he sees me, but the way Will brings it up is hilarious. Brian doesn't really deny it as he just shakes his head but doesn't say anything. _

"_I mean… you're a bright guy and everybody knows it… I don't… I don't understand why you are so clueless…"_

"_Clueless about what…"_

"_Uhm… Sonny and I are together… Sonny is mine… So if you want to go ahead and take a shot? Try your luck? Go ahead man… go ahead."_

_I feel a stir in my stomach while my head repeats those three little words over and over again. Sonny is mine. Sonny is mine. Perhaps it is also the way he said it, no hesitation, no insecurity, just a confidence that I find very sexy. And I cannot believe that after waiting for him for so long I finally hear him say these words to another guy who seems interested in me. To hear him stand up for me and for us is the best thing he could have done to show me how he feels about me. When the ice tea arrives he immediately carries it to our table. When our eyes meet I give him the brightest smile I have and when he sits down next to me, I whisper softly:_

"_I love you…"_

_2._

"_Gabi and I are going to handle everything, unless you don't trust us…"_

_I walk around him to sit down on the chair next to him. I move a big black bag away and he answers:_

"_I, I trust you, it's just that we made this awesome pumpkin costume for Ari and if she keeps her hat on it is going to be the best thing ever."_

"_Gabi and I are going to make tons of pictures, we are going to video chat and I am not bringing this shirt back to the store."_

_I lift the bag up again to hand it to him and I cannot hide the bright smile on my face. _

"_What?"_

"_Yes, my boyfriend will not be outdone by some tweet wearing literary types."_

_My boyfriend. I still saying that._

"_I don't even own tweet…"_

_My pulls the present out of the bag. _

"_Exactly."_

_I am definitely proud of myself. He holds the shirt up and seems moved by my sweet gesture. I am just sitting there looking at his sweet perfect face._

"_I love it… thank you."_

_He leans in and his kiss takes my breath away and as we have grown used to, we kiss twice. His hand goes through my hair as it has done since the first kiss. _

"_I am so proud of you… and your essay was amazing…"_

_He frowns and with a guarded voice he asks:_

_"You read it?"_

_He suddenly seems nervous as he tries to avoid my eyes. I smile slightly and answer:_

_"Yeah, I read your essay… and so did Ari…"_

_I try to make a joke out of it to easy his sudden tenseness, and I realise he is still insecure about himself about what he does. I wish I could make him see how I see him, I wish I could tell him how amazing I think he is. When he remains quiet I ask carefully:_

_"Are you upset that we read it?"_

_He seems to shake off his negative thoughts and while he grabs my wrists he assures me:_

_"No no no, I am just not used to putting myself out there, you know."_

_"You… I am not sure if I can live up to what you wrote about me."_

_"Stop."_

_He grabs my arm so he can take firmer hold of it and I like the way his fingers close around my skin. He smiles and I wonder how anyone can be so cute. He lets go of my arm again and instead just lightly rubs my hand:_

_"You already have…"_

_The emotion in his voice is reflected in his eyes and I feel the butterflies going round in my stomach. I feel as though I could move a mountain just for him, and while his eyes locked are locked onto mine he almost whispers:_

_"You already have…"_

I pull my phone out of my pocket and smile back at his picture. Why am I accusing this sweet man of doing something so horrible? I scroll through my pictures and stop when I find one I made after he got his first assignment from a news journal. I was so proud and he was so happy. A quick thought flashes through my mind 'He is so mature and strong, he doesn't need me anymore'. I take a sharp breath and realise that this thought has been nagging me for quite some time by just sitting at the back of my head. When I met Will he was young and insecure. He needed help and support to grow into his own skin. And now… now he is a man, in every sense of the word. And I am just worried that he might realise one day that he just doesn't need me anymore. I wipe away a tear that rolls down my cheek and then I stumble out of my car. I find my way upstairs, open the front door, and go straight towards the bedroom. I am still so lost in thought that I don't remember he locked the door, so I basically walk straight into is as it doesn't move in inch when I try to open it. I take a deep breath and ask:

"Will, please open the door…"

I hear nothing on the other side and try again:

"Please, honey… can we talk?"

I hear him shuffle on the bed and after a while the lock clicks open. I push the door open and look at him. He is wearing bright blue boxers, and his hair is pointing into all directions. His naked chest and arms look strong and I wish he would just pull me close. I really just want to let him wrap me up against him and I can just feel at home while listening to his heartbeat. But he stands about 3 metres away from me, crossing his arms in front of him, waiting for me to start explaining.

"I, um…"

I look at our bed and see his open laptop and numerous papers are covering almost the whole bed. My eyes scan the pages and I realise it is a draft of something. But before I can look at it some more he asks:

"What do you want?"

I feel shivers down my spine when I hear his icy tone, the one he has never used when speaking to me.

"I…"

I shrug almost helplessly, not sure what to say. He just lifts his eyebrows and I know I have to give him something:

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

He is definitely not making it easy on me. For some reason my eyes keep turning back to the paper in the bed and suddenly I realise why.

"My name is on here… why is my name on here?"

I pick one of the pages up and read a few sentences, realising this actually about me. He pulls it out of my hands and starts to collect all the papers into one big pile. He closes his laptop and then mumbles:

"Don't change the topic…"

"I'm not…"

"Sonny, honestly… First you accuse me of cheating on you, then you tell me I must be cheating because I have been away a lot, and now you just storm in here and ruin my surprise."

"Surprise?"

He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs deeply:

"Never mind… why are you here…"

I take a few steps towards him but he pulls back. I push my right hand through my black hair and begin to explain myself:

"I was just afraid you found someone else… you are doing so well and I was just worried… you know… you would… I don't know… find someone better…"

I don't look at him anymore and instead stare at the pile of papers he still holds in his arms. He frowns but doesn't say anything and I wish I had the words to give him a speech as they do in the movies. But I don't have a carefully written script, which means I just have to make it up as I go. So I continue with a voice that slightly quivers with emotion:

"And I just got so convinced you must be tired of me… I don't know why…"

I guess that is not entirely true. I do know why, it is because I am insecure. And even though I haven't said that word out loud I know that he knows exactly that that is what I am talking about. The silence hangs heavily in the air and I blink away a tear that sits in the corner of my eye. Then I he says:

"I didn't cheat on you."

The icy tone is gone and I swallow and whisper:

"I know."

He puts the paper on the end of the bed. Suddenly he is only a few inches away from me and his hands cup my face:

"I will never cheat on you."

Blinking doesn't help anymore and the tear slowly finds its way down, where he sweetly brushes it away with his thumb.

"Never…."

"I know."

My hands lock around his wrists and in a muddled way I tell him about my thoughts in the car:

"I know because you asked what you ever did for me to think that… and I started thinking, you know… and I thought about when you were at the hospital, and about your essay… you know… and it just didn't match…"

He smiles his lopsided smile. The one that makes me all mushy inside and I forget to breathe. His thumb slowly traces my bottom lip and he whispers:

"It didn't match…?"

He laughs softly and I could look at him forever. His hands slowly move away from my face and find their usual place in my hair. He closes the gap between us and I can only breathe out his name when I feel his body align with mine.

"Sonny?"

"Hmmm."

"No matter what I do, or where I am in my life… I will always love you and I will always need you."

My arms curve around his waist and I hook my thumbs under the waistband of his boxers. His perfect smile flashes towards me and then his soft lips are on mine. Just a sweet tender kiss and then he pulls away. He grabs the stack of paper and holds it towards me:

"You don't really deserve it after tonight, but here you go…"

I take it and look at him slightly puzzled.

"What is this?"

"My surprise…"

I frown and look down on the first page and read: 'Finding your way'.

"Will?"

He walks around me and then finally does what I wanted him to do the moment I walked in here. He wraps me up against his chest as if he never wants to let me go again. His breath warms my ear when he explains:

"I am writing a book… a book about how I… you know… came out and how I learned to like myself. And that includes a lot of people who have inspired me to be myself… there is a chapter on Grandma Caroline, one on Grandma Kate… and one of the chapters is about you…"

His lips softly place a kiss in my neck and I lean back to feel the warmth of his body spread through me.

"I have really been working late these past weeks because the editor wants me to hand it in coming Monday… and I might have neglected you a little bit because this is basically my life story and I want it to be good."

I don't know what to say. I am proud and happy and ashamed. I turn around in his arms so I can look into his perfect blue eyes:

"I am so sorry, baby."

I can see a flickering in his eyes and know he is going to tease me:

"I guess you owe me…"

I lean in to kiss him, thinking that he wants me to make love to him, and I am more than happy to oblige. But he pulls back, the twinkle in his eyes still there and a perfect smile around his mouth. He points at the papers and sighs playfully:

"Four chapters still need editing… you know grammar and stuff…"

I raise my eyebrows:

"You are kidding me…"

"Nope… you better get to it, brown eyes."

He crawls onto the bed, opens his laptop and then pats on the empty space beside him:

"I'll allow you to come back in this bed…"

I shake my head in an attempt to look annoyed, but cannot help my happy smile. Only seconds later I am curled up against his side with the draft of his book on my lap. He reaches over to his night stand and puts his glasses on. I feel a stir in my stomach and can only shuffle even closer to him and push my arm through his. I lean in, kiss him softly on his cheek and mumble with a voice deep from emotion:

"I need you so much."

I rest my head on his shoulder and feel him smile. He points at the text in front of me:

"Start reading, babe…"

I sigh dramatically and murmur:

"You are bossy… you should pay me for doing your work, you know."

His hand comes up to cup my face and he slowly lifts it up so I have to look at him. He smiles and says softly:

"That is not what I meant."

He just stares at me for a while and then whispers with his lips on mine:

"It is just that I want you to read what I wrote about you… and about us"

A soft and tender kiss and then he leans back a bit to just look at me again:

"Obviously I wrote about you brown chocolate eyes and you perfect hair…"

I smile a bit, happily leaning into his touch, realising that this time I am the one who needs to hear that we are alright and that I am still his everything. His fingers fiddle with my ear and he does exactly that:

"But most importantly… I wrote about how… how much I need you to be me."

**Hope you all like it! Leave a message to let me know!**


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